Kumaguro no Himitsu
by Saphira112
Summary: Ever wonder why Ryuichi carries around Kumaguro all the time? Here's a theory. One-shot, Ryuichi-centric, but Ryuichi/Shuichi implied


**A/N:** I should soooooo not be doing this so late when my AP Euro Exam is tomorrow, but what the hell? I couldn't get this out of me head, so I couldn't study anyway. I shall go in tomorrow, take the test, aim to get my college credit, and have a celebration afterwards! So wish me luck, people!

**Note:** I was always thinking about why Ryuichi carries around the cute little bunny and this is what I came up with. The title of the fic, "Kumaguro no Himitsu", is Japanese for "Secret of Kumaguro". I find it more appropriate to put most of my Gravitation fics in Japanese. To me, they seem to have a deeper meaning.

**Summary:** Have you ever wondered why Ryuichi carries around Kumaguro everywhere he goes? Oneshot, extremely short.

**Pairings:** implied Ryuichi/Shuichi

**Warnings:** Shounen-ai and angst

**Recommend listening:** _Somewhere_ by Within Temptations

Kumaguro no Himitsu

One-Shot

There was a reason as to why the great singer of Japan, Sakuma Ryuichi, carried around the cute little pink rabbit everywhere; to concerts, cafés, parties, and just about everywhere imaginable. There was a reason as to why he hugged the stuffed animal so tightly so close to his chest and burying his nose into the rabbit's head. There was a reason as to why he talked to Kumaguro and made jokes to the toy – almost as if the bunny could understand him – and used the bunny to help him prove his points when he reverted to his child-like state of mind.

Ryuichi Sakuma was lonely.

No one would ever think so; the singer had many fans who would give up everything just to be in the same room as him, his autograph, maybe even as far as a hug. Beyond that would make any fan die from joy. Even just a small peck on the cheek. One could almost hear the fangirls screaming with sheer delight at the thought and then more some while dying with joy.

But that wasn't the kind of affection Ryuichi needed to cure his loneliness. He had many fans, yes that much was true, but it wasn't what Ryuichi wanted. People loved him for his voice, others for his body, and still others for just being a guy and nice. The nice part Ryuichi could understand, but it was just plain creepy when people obsessed over his body and fantasized or something. It made Kumaguro appears around Ryuichi more often, more so at work and public places than alone because despite the many people around Ryuichi – Noriko, Touma, and even the entity of Bad Luck – he had never felt so different and alone.

He'd tried to accept the fact that it was all right to be himself. He loved himself just for _being_ himself and not having the gull to be embarrassed over anything, not even his childish outbursts every now and then or how cameras once caught him playing with Kumaguro on stage before a concert. They were, of course, not released to the public – thanks to Touma – but Ryuichi found himself caring less if they were.

Fame sucked.

It did. And it was hard. There were fans always following him around asking for his autograph, the media and press asking about what he'd had for breakfast or what he was feeling that day, and even inside the studio where people bowed at his feet. He was not God. He had talent, but he wasn't a king. He just sang. And that was what people didn't understand.

Ryuichi sang straight from his heart; the burning passion filled his words and laced them with his own hidden desires no one could understand. While he sang with every ounce of emotion he had in his body, silently hoping for someone to understand him, people only admired his voice on the outside – just his voice, never the tones of it – and did not understand. No one understood.

Thus Kumaguro. To Ryuichi, the adorable stuffed animal understood him better because while he wouldn't admit it to himself, the singer was himself _and_ Kumaguro. Kumaguro was also him, but he didn't see it that way. Even inanimate objects had life. Therefore, Kumaguro was alive and would talk to him. Kumaguro gave him inspiration. Kumaguro gave him will. Kumaguro gave him strength. Kumaguro was all he had.

Until Shuichi.

While Kumaguro had been with Ryuichi through his years of singing and even before that, Shuichi had popped up out of nowhere and struck a deep chord inside of Ryuichi's chest, something no one had ever done before. When he was told that Shuichi had obsessed over him just as every other fan, Ryuichi felt disappointed. But the next thing about Shuichi astounded Ryuichi. Shuichi had drawn his inspiration from _him_. And before Ryuichi had heard Shuichi sing, he knew that the Bad Luck vocalist would hit him in the chest.

Ryuichi was right.

The first concert that Ryuichi went to see was originally for ASK and their opening was indeed Bad Luck. He remembered seeing the boy dressed up in the long orange and yellow trench coat for the first time and was immediately drawn in, interested to see what the young boy could offer to the crowd that had paid for a concert filled with callous words. As soon as Shuichi spoke to rouse up the crowd... Ryuichi swore he was hooked in that moment. But then seeing the teenager freeze up, as if scared, made the Nittle Grasper vocalist want to stand up and speak from his heart again, to reach out and help Shuichi because a connection had already been formed.

As soon as he had done that, Shuichi had followed him, smiling all the way. Ryuichi knew Shuichi's words before he spoke them; he could see them in the singer's eyes. They were strong words, not insensate like other singer's words, and were instead laced with a feeling of desire so similar to Ryuichi's own that it hurt sometimes to hear Shuichi speak those words.

And yet, in a way, _Shuichi_ inspired _him_.

Shuichi was so different from Ryuichi's other fans. While Shuichi always would obsess over his voice and concerts, Shuichi also would look at his lyrics and listen intently to his voice when he sang, finding the times when Ryuichi sounded somewhat sad when he sang and the times when he was happy. Shuichi could pinpoint almost all of them. Ryuichi had never been able to figure out how Shuichi had done it. He just had.

Now Ryuichi was in conflict with himself. After meeting Shuichi, though Kumaguro still remained in Ryuichi's arms, close to his chest, the pink rabbit now acted more like a shield than anything. Kumaguro, instead of being an inspiration, was now his shield, reflecting his own insecurities. It wasn't that Ryuichi was afraid of Shuichi, but more so the fact that it was dangerous for Ryuichi to keep his heart open. Though he let out his heart on stage, he now kept it hidden behind Kumaguro's shield whenever around Shuichi. His cheerful demeanor steered away any thought that he had any issues, yet it was hard not to feel _something_ when around Shuichi or when he listened to Shuichi's first few songs – the originals to boot. It came as a shock to Ryuichi when he found out he was in love with Shuichi.

Because that was the first time that Kumaguro fell from his arms.


End file.
